THE MOST IMPORTANT BLOG POST OF THE YEAR

As the internets tell me Paul Erdos famously told other people, "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." I can't find any way to fault that logic. The man does, after all, know from logic and as far as logic goes, that shit is airtight.

My personal spin on this is that "A developer is a device for turning coffee into arable software." This, likewise, is airtight reasoning and to claim otherwise is to beg for your License To Internets to be revoked.

Inexplicably in the wilds of N'Hampsha, it gets hot up here. Sometimes ugly hot - about a month back it was 95 degrees and the relative humidity was at like 180% or something (before you furiously type and complain, remember that Erdos is the super-stud mathematician and I'm the forgettable developer). 9 months of winter and then we get this? So funny I forgot to laugh.

Days like these, I don't want home-brewed hot coffee, I want iced coffee. But who wants to buy iced coffee out at the coffee spots? With very few exceptions, I read "iced coffee" as "the shit that we brewed hours ago and didn't sell and it's too stale and bitter to sell hot but with a few ice cubes in it the rubes will drink it up." Lemons from lemonade and all that. But seriously - most iced coffee is bitter and stale. I've made my own at home by brewing hot coffee extra strong so when I poured it over lots of ice, it'd even itself out. Which works out OK, but I don't really want to turn on the electric kettle and boil water when it's that damned hot out. I just want some tasty iced coffee.

Inexplicably (oh, dissssss), it's the NY Times to the rescue with a recipe for cold-brewed iced coffee. But I've rambled on long enough and you don't need to read their snooty rambling in addendum to mine (you can if you want) and I don't know why they tell you to dilute the mixture.

For starters, the hardware - they have some retarded elaborate mason jar + cheesecloth + sifter combination, but fuck that noise. I normally make my coffee in a french press and I figure coffee's not going to get stale sitting out at room temperature (I'll experiment in the name of science on this soon enough, but my past experiments have shown the french press to work quite favorably), so if you don't already have one, maybe it's time to get one. Twenty bucks. Totally worth it. Makes hot and now cold coffee. Win.

So you grind the coffee (the normal amount that you'd brew with) as always.

And then you pour some cold water in (the amount that you'd normally brew the grinds with) and stir it up and, uh. That's sort of it for the steeping step.

THEN... it sits overnight. And in the morning, you push the press down and pour over ice and you win. As advertised, it's not bitter at all (you don't buy shitty roasts, right?) and adding a bit of heavy cream makes it almost candy-sweet. A little if you want but it's pretty damned fine all by itself over ice.

You've read this post, now you can safely turn off the internets because I can't imagine ANYTHING BETTER COMING FROM ANYWHERE ON THE ECHO CHAMBER OF THE INTERTUBES ANYTIME FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE YEAR.

Unless I decide to post again in which case all bets are off.